Don't Ban the Bru!

I was awoken this morning by a very alarming text message. It was from my mate Lee, who works for IKEA in Glasgow, telling me that his employers have banned Irn Bru due to the E numbers it contains. At first I laughed at the thought of IKEA banning the Bru, but then a wave of panic came over me...

I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and let his text message sink in. It isn't just IKEA that are banning the Bru, but the Swedish government! Fuck! Does this mean that the English Shop at Medborgarplatsen will no longer be selling Irn Bru? Or does the English Shop run on the same principal as the British Embassy, as in if you're in the English Shop you are on British territory and therefore under British law. I fucking hope so! If not, then I may have to start a campaign to make it so.

Those who come from my home town, Corby, will empathise with me here.

Irn Bru is a classic Scottish pop drink. And with Corby still being ninety nine percent Scottish (or so the town's folk would have you believe), it's hugely popular. It has an almost cult like status. It's hard to pin-point, magical taste, it's orange colour, it's mythical power to fight the hangover! I can't tell you how many times an ice cold can of Ginger has eased the pain of a vicious hangover. It has to be a can though. Some pop is far better in a glass bottle, like Coke for example, but Irn Bru is meant to be in a can. And it works ten times better than any other medicine.

So to hear that it could possibly be banned in Sweden, due to the E numbers in it's ingredients, is quite literally horrifying! What the fuck is a E number anyway?! Apparently it causes ADHD? Well it also gives Irn Bru it's beautiful, rusty orange colour! I've been drinking Bru all my life, and I don't have ADHD. I don't think I do anyway. But seriously, if you actually took into account every warning over different foods, you would fucking starve! I'm sure I heard a few years ago that potatoes can cause cancer. What a load of bollocks! I couldn't imagine a life without spuds...

I love living in Sweden, and even though I miss certain home comforts like the Chippy, it's not enough to make me want to move back to England. A life without Irn Bru though? I don't know... It's not like I drink it every day, but at least I know it's there if I want it.

A couple of years ago, I nearly shat my pants when I walked into a 7 Eleven and saw that they had Irn Bru on the shelves! I couldn't believe it. I was overjoyed! It didn't last though...within a few months it was gone again.

My wife thinks it's horrible and tastes like bubblegum. Certain ignorant friends of mine from the USA think it tastes like puke. These people know nothing. Nor do the Swedish people it seems. I knew the Swedes wouldn't get it.  I was more disappointed than surprised when 7 Eleven took it away. But I knew I always had the English Shop... Those days might be numbered too now.

The hysteria of government health and safety chalks up yet another victory it seems. When will the madness end?